You’re not broken: Distress as part of the human condition

Have you ever felt broken?

Ever thought to yourself, “What’s wrong with me?”, “I’m so messed up,” or “everyone else seems to be able to do this – why can’t I?”

You’re not alone. But why are we so quick to blame ourselves? These statements don’t reflect the very real challenges that are happening to us in our lives – they’re about us. Where do we get the idea that there is something intrinsically wrong with us when we struggle?

The medical model of symptoms

When we experience difficulties with our thoughts, feelings, or behaviour, we may be encouraged to reach out for support, in the form of psychological therapy. In modern history, psychology had strong connections with medicine and psychiatry. Many well-known psychological figures in history, such as Sigmund Freud, were medical physicians. In Australia, referrals to psychologists are accessible through the Medicare system by GPs. As part of this system, psychologists are encouraged to treat symptoms, as a doctor would. Maybe this helps us feel more in control of the problem – if a doctor or therapist can find and treat the problem, we might be fixed.

The problem focus

In medicine, it makes sense to find specific problems or dysfunctions in the body and correct them. If we have a malfunctioning organ, or an hormonal imbalance that causes symptoms, such as in diabetes, it’s often a problem that can be corrected with medical treatment. But psychology isn’t like medicine. When we feel distress in our lives, it doesn’t necessarily mean that a specific part of us is the problem. If we apply a problem-focus to psychology, where our internal experience is intrinsically linked with our sense of self – who we are – we start to see ourselves as broken. We can’t become fulfilled and well-adjusted simply by isolating and fixing problems within. We instead become locked in a battle with our very selves.

Take anxiety and depression. When someone is experiencing overwhelming anxiety, it might be seen as a result of a dysfunctional way of thinking (“I’m too negative”, or “I catastrophise”). Similarly, depression is often linked with distorted beliefs and self-criticism (“I’m no good at anything”). So, many people do their best to try to correct the problem as they see it. To feel less anxious, they might try to think positive thoughts about the day ahead, and stay calm by controlling their breathing. They might try to change their depressed mood and be happier by changing their beliefs about themselves “I am good enough” or “I don’t have to be perfect”.

Many people get stuck or have trouble keeping these strategies up over time, perhaps because they don’t quite get to the heart of what people are struggling with. And when people work hard to fix the problem this way without success, that’s when they start to think something about them is the problem. Perhaps they believe that their nervous system or the way they think is the problem. And when they can’t control their anxiety or depression using these problem-solving techniques, they start to believe they are weak or that there is something deeply wrong with them.

Anxiety, depression and many other things we consider to be forms of mental disorder, have often arisen naturally as defenses against pain. And they disproportionately affect those of us who were most sensitive in our childhoods, as well as others who found the world to be harsh or uncertain. If this was you, then your symptoms have always made sense. They were simply the ways that you protected yourself.

Moving towards strength

So if you can’t ‘fix’ yourself by trying to reduce your symptoms, what then? Writer and psychologist Andrew Solomon said that the opposite of depression isn’t happiness, it’s vitality. Perhaps we can also say the opposite of anxiety isn’t being calm – it’s confidence. When we focus on taking action towards the life we want, and work on learning who we are and what we can do, we often find we no longer need to fix what we think is broken. We might focus instead on building our confidence that we can cope even if the worst happens, or that if we feel uncomfortable feelings, we can handle it. On knowing who our authentic self is and embodying that self unapologetically and with vitality.

Each of us is a complex, intricate thing of beauty, not a problem to be fixed. Don’t only focus on the problem if you’re struggling with reducing mood symptoms. Ask your psychologist to help you learn about your strengths, get to know your authentic self, and build a life filled with the things that bring you vitality and confidence. You will see that you are not broken.